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Dallas Jewish Week

Single in the city

by Judie Arkow

and Nancy Geyer

Special to DJW

Are love relationships really bashert? Or is it just a case of mutual chemical attraction? Or are we only involved in the game of "Seek and You Shall Find"?

A bashert relationship has been fated to happen. It's that special someone called a soulmate. We often talk about that significant person in our lives as our bashert, the one we were fated to be with. But, you know, not all relationships seem to be fated.

Some just appear to happen out of nowhere. Some happen when we become the hands and legs of our Creator and help the relationship to get going. But are we really doing that or is it all part of what is fated to happen to us?

Nancy and I were talking about relationships and how some appear to be really fated and some just seem to occur by chance. We decided to share some of those stories with you. After reading these stories, you decide and let us know is it bashert or just chance?

Nancy tells of her mom and dad who met seemingly by chance when her father was home on leave during WW2. He was visiting his sister, who set up several dates for him. Prior to his going on any dates, they went to a party at the local university. From across the room, he spotted Nancy's mom and told his sister to cancel his weekend dates, he had found his beloved. The rest is history.

My grandmother, at 18, met my grandfather on the boat traveling from Russia to the USA. Strangers when they began that frightening trip, leaving their homes to go to a foreign land, they became future mates by the time they landed at Ellis Island. They announced their engagement shortly after landing in New York City and their families agreed that this was truly a match. Again, the rest is history.

How about the young couple who met while in BBYO or NFTY and were friends for many years until that special day when they realized that they were really so much more to each other? They are still together today.

Then there's the young man who ran an ad in a singles column, getting very few quality returns. He decided to pull the ad. On the last day that the ad was to run, at about 10 p.m., with only two hours left, a young woman who had never looked at that type of ad read his ad and called him. After two dates, they both knew there was more to this relationship than met the eye. So was this bashert, or just chance?

After talking to a number of people in our community, we came to the conclusion that there is really no conclusion to come to. For some, it seems to be an inner knowing. For others, it is an instant recognition. For others it takes time to even come to the decision that this one is the one.

How to meet your bashert who knows? One thing is sure. You aren't going to meet that person sitting in front of the TV. Dating is, after all, a numbers game. Improve your odds and get out there. Get active. Widen your options. To paraphrase Garth Brooks, if you stay in front of the TV, "You might miss the pain, but you'll also miss the dance."

This story was published in the DallasJewishWeek
on: Thursday, July 25, 2002








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